When Will You Finally Settle Down?
This is one of the questions I am often asked. Lately, I have had to learn a lot about dealing with triggers. And a question like “When will you finally settle down?” is definitely one of them. Want to know more? Then read on…
Who Are You Without Society?
A lot of my work centers around the self and exploring different facets of who you are beyond societal constraints. I love unpacking categories and challenging the status quo. I sometimes fight, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that your dreams are worth fighting for. So now we can ask: is that a bad thing?
A lot of my personal changes in the last few years have to do with going against the “norm”. I just never wanted to follow the path that everyone else was following.
We are products of society, whether we like it or not. But that doesn’t mean we have to do everything that’s expected of us because of our position in the world. I think there’s so much beauty in creating a path for ourselves and taking responsibility and accountability for our own lives. In fact, that is what I really wish more people would do.
Yesterday I was called pretentious. I was called pretentious for trying to do something different in my life, because from that person’s point of view, my desire to go against the norm makes me less free. After all, I’m still a “victim of society”.
And maybe there’s some truth in that. Because yes, my desire to change has been created by the societies in which I found myself in. But I think there’s a power in that, too — there’s a power in questioning and reinventing, and change most often comes through dissatisfaction, fear, or frustration. And I can happily admit that those emotions are familiar to me.
So I began to ask myself. Why is it that the more you do the work, the more people try to step into your light? Why is it so “unnatural” that I, as a single woman, don’t want to settle down and have children? Why do I have to respect that, but my choices aren’t respected?
The Power of Anger
I’ve written about the power of anger before, but I want to bring it up again. I feel like there’s so much censorship around anger, or emotions that we consider “negative”.
I’ve always been told not to be angry, to smile and be nice, to fit in and fulfill my “role”.
But I think anger is good. It can be healthy, but it depends on what you do with it. Anger is not who I am, but it’s part of my lived reality as a woman.
I’m proud that I make my own living, that I travel the world, and that I’m able to love myself — because I’ve come a long way. And it will be a lifelong journey.
Yes, there’s a lot of emotion, and trauma I hold in my body. That I don’t want to hold. I’m learning, I’m healing, and I’m growing, and I see these different sides of me as absolutely necessary. It all makes me whole as a person.
It’s Okay To Disagree
One thing I’ve also learned in the last few weeks is that it’s okay to disagree. It’s okay to have different opinions about things and move on.
I always try to be empathetic, optimistic, and critical (sometimes too much), but if there’s one thing I’m noticing more and more, it’s how often I tiptoe around the things I really want to say for fear of having an opinion or seeming self-righteous. But censoring ourselves denies us our lived human experience, which is characterized by polarities, paradoxes, and imperfections.
Isn’t it so much more peaceful to say: “I’m just having a shitty day.” Or, “I just don’t like that person.” — And tomorrow will be different.
It’s okay to disagree and have different expectations and approaches to life. We strive in opposition, and that’s how we complete each other.
I believe that I can be whole by living through paradoxes and imperfections. By going against the norm and living with it. As long as I focus on love and light and my vision. But I’m not going to censor myself anymore to fit in; and sometimes that means fighting, and sometimes that means letting go.
Who are you without society?
