Do You Have It All Figured Out?
If there’s one thing I’d tell my younger self, it’s that you don’t have to “have it all figured out”. Here’s why:
Why I Would Always Choose Plan X, Y, Z Over Plan A
When I was younger, I used to think that growing up meant reaching a point where you have it all figured out: career, relationships, and your living situation.
I was raised to believe that success meant having a clear path in life that had to be followed neatly.
I’ve always been told not to take a break, not to take a gap year. Study that one thing that will lead you to a promising career, get married, buy a house, and you’re set for life.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that approach, it just never worked for me. I never understood why a break would be bad, why a change of direction would be deplorable. In fact, I’ve changed direction many times: I dropped out of one subject and started another. I quit my “prestigious” job to volunteer on the other side of the world. I have left places I thought I would stay in, and created home elsewhere.
And so often I was asked: “Why do you always have to change?”
I guess my life was never supposed to follow Plan A.
I would always choose change and discomfort over staying somewhere with something that did not fulfil me. That I’d rather give something up than sacrificing my well-being.
Micro-Experiences in The Unknown Create Wisdom
And I’m so happy about all of that. And most of all, the realization that life is not meant to come to a point where you suddenly know everything.
That wisdom comes with time, and only if we are open to receive and learn. If we try and fail. If we change and try again.
That all these micro-experiences, as we embark in the unknown, lead to wisdom, and that we are dynamic beings who will always change. That every day is a chance to learn something new.
Trying to Figure it All Out Deprives You of the Now
This year has made me realize even more how we tend to live in a potential future and how that robs us of the now.
That most people cannot see what they have already achieved in the present moment because they are so focused on what they have not yet achieved.
That while working toward something can be great and admirable, it can also make you resent not being there yet.
Resentful because you try to live up to society’s standards rather than your own. Resentful because you try to control everything when life is inherently uncertain.
Sometimes all it takes is to stop controlling and fully embrace not knowing. And that is what this year has taught me all over again. I’m almost 30 years old, and I have no idea what my next steps are…
And I’m finally allowing myself to not know. That as long as I trust my intuition, I will be safe. That while I’m scared, I don’t choose fear. I came to learn that being lost will always be a part of who I am — and I came to love it.
6 Tips that Can Help you Today
- Embrace Uncertainty: life is inherently uncertain, and that’s okay. Embracing the unknown allows for flexibility, adaptability, and the potential for unexpected opportunities. Affirmations and mindset work can be extremely helpful in unblocking where you are stuck — sometimes it is as simple as changing a limiting belief you hold about yourself.
- Focus on the Present: shift your focus from having everything figured out in the future to being present in the current moment. Meditation and gratitude practices can help. You can also make a list of all the things you’re proud of, so you don’t forget your own accomplishments.
- Set Realistic Expectations: understand that perfection is an unrealistic standard. Set achievable, realistic goals, and recognize that it’s natural for plans to evolve, and change over time. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, focus on one thing you can start doing today.
- Learn from Detours: view unexpected changes as opportunities for learning, and growth. These experiences often lead to valuable insights and skills that can enrich your life. For example, if you have just left a job, you can make a list of all the things you learned. This can be very helpful in the future as you process your experiences, and decide how to move forward with them.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion: be kind to yourself. Understand that not having it all figured out doesn’t diminish your worth or potential. When doubts or fears arise, do something that grounds you, such as spending time with yourself in nature, exercising, or talking with a loved one. Remind yourself that you are not alone in your feelings.
- Detox Your Environment: your environment determines how you think, feel, and act. This can be the people you spend time with, but it can also be where you do your daily routines. Sometimes we need to change these things in order to grow. Re-evaluate: Who is contributing to my growth, and who is holding me down in old ways of thinking? Is there a new place I can explore today to change my perspective?
It’s not always easy. And it’s work in progress. But rest assured: It is possible!
